I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
