weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everything about him screamed your future.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
