I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
