I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
