end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
worst night to have a conscience
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
