Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
