I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
