You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
