why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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