i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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