I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
