I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
