I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
