Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
