I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
