I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
