I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
