Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
