Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
