i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
