Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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