Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
