I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
