During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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