I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
