Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How does one acquire holy water?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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