Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
