I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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