so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
