so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
