And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
