she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
