my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
