The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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