I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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