a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
