it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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