I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
