Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
