The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
