you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
