There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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