The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im part way to drunk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
