his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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