you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
