Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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