He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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