the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
