I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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