You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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